Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
