why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm at about main and main street
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
