I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have demons in me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
