Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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