just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
