i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
