did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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