I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
