you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We need to get me chipped asap
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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