I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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