your room smells of hookers.
And success
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
