Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm bleeding and have questions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
