last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
