Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
babies were throwing up all over the place
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
