oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
