Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
