About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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