Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
