Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
