after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
there is glitter all over my balls
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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