Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
