I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
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