Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
