If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
