Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I CAN MOONWALK!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
