i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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