Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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