this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
