I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
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Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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