Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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