Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
