Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
