ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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