The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
