Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
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We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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