Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
