I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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