every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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