How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
