I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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