Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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