I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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