Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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