shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
