a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
