doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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