okay pat passed out under dana's car
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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