You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
