I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
