i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
