Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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