So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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