I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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