Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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